Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
