i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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