so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
