if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize