You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
