ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
