I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
