I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
