Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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