i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
