Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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