I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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