I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
