His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize