I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
