Too much gin, very little bucket
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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