I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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