Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
