There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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