dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize