Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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