my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
