yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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