You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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