There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
