After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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