cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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