apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As shirtless as possible
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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