I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
