11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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