Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Barsexuality is the new black.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am available for nakedness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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