i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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