I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
