Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
false alarm, still single
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
