yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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