wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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