Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry about my life...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
