Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
