i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
