But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
