She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
