Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
