Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize