I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
