Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
