We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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