flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
