Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
