I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
