he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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