so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
