What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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