Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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