i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
