Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
