Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
