If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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