Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
