Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
