her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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