Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
