If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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