well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
