I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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