yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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