I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
