I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
