I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
