i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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