And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
