I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
