Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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