You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize