MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
